>> when is the election? how soon do we have to decide?
>> what are the names of the two people running? and be specific.
>> who is the president right now? is he or she running? because if so, experience is maybe something we should consider.
>> i have been told that when "snl" lampoons you, you've finally made it or maybe that's what helps me sleep at night. the other possibility is that you are simply so ripe for mockery, your mere existence is so absurd that "snl" cannot ignore you any longer. undecided voters i'm talking to you. take a look good, hard look in the mirror because this is your wake-up call. officially out of excuses. the debates are wrapped up and with two weeks left, it's time to make up your minds. we got to know these guys pretty well. i mean, i know the candidates better than i know my own neighbors. but that's because i hate them. if you still don't know who president obama is, look around you. some will say he's like jesus, he is everywhere and in everything. he's in your higher milk prices an out of work cousin, in your second mortgage and your uncle who keeps telling you to buy gold and he's on "the view" everything morning. as for mitt romney, he's also been pretty easy to find from california to new hampshire, you can find him at any one of his 400 homes. you can find him at fox news 17 times a day. you can often find him on both sides of an issue, and sometimes you'll find he's the only candidate to show up at a debate. and so i don't buy this undecided nonsense. in 2011 a study found most women believed 180 seconds was long enough to decide whether a potential suitor was mr. right or mr. wrong. men make snap decisions all the time like when they decide to buy a mustang at 55.
>> or grow to mustache. colin powell made a study of good decision making insisting you should need to less than 40% of available information to make a tough decision and no more than 70%. someone should have told that to haml hamlet. i'm calling your bluff undecideds, you, the most contemptible voting group out there. you're either procrastinating, lazy, or lying, so pick a side and make up your minds and consider this your written invitation to the election. oka